Rough few weeks

Check me out, updating just a day after the previous post. I must be on the ball!

Felt like having a little rant over some stuff that's been going on, so here goes. As some of you may or may not know... I had some pretty major surgery about a month ago (I won't go into details). Anyhow the surgery itself went to plan as far as I know. I did encounter some issues with the anaesthetics (as is only to be expected with my grumpy lungs). This meant I had to spend a couple of nights in ITU. This is nothing major and is quite a common occurrence for me. Unfortunately I went on to have further issues when I was put on a PCA for pain control. I think the settings were too high and my body didn't like it. I subsequently started having hallucinations which were nothing short of terrifying. I genuinely believed I had died during the operation and was in some kind of limbo. I can not even begin to describe the terror I felt. In a last ditch attempt to 'survive' I made  a panicked called to Sean at 3am  (who was away on work in Belgium) who got in touch with my parents. They drove in at ridiculous O'clock and calmed me down. Once they'd arrived I promptly relaxed and fell asleep. Only to wake up hours later feeling completely 'with it' and embarrassed about the previous nights drama. I was worried I was losing it, but all the doctors and nurses said that it's a common problem with Patient Controlled Analgesia and the concoction of drugs that are in the syringe driver can cause all sorts of horrors to feel like reality. Phew - still got my wits about me for a while yet then!

I stayed in for a few more days. And though I didn't really feel up to being discharged (still struggling with breathlessness and requiring oxygen and strong pain relief), I went home on the surgeons advice.. He was keen for me not to risk developing any more chest infections or hospital bugs. Plus I have oxygen at home so that wasn't insurmountable.

2 days later I still wasn't feeling any better. I saw my GP who I assumed would probably give me some antibiotics for what felt like a chest infection and advise the usual increase in steroids and nebs. But instead she saw my sats were 84% (I wasn't aware they were quite that low) and my racing pulse, and sent me to hospital for bloods and x rays. Turned out my bloods came back pos+ for a clot which didn't guarantee I had one but at the same time didn't rule it out. So it required further investigation. I'd only packed enough for one night as I didn't predict any of this would unfold. But the next day I went for a CT of my chest and a Doppler (ultrasound of the blood flow) of my leg. These, together detected a large clot in my right iliac vein and a pulmonary embolus in my lung (the cause of all the breathlessness and low oxygen levels!). To cut a long story short I spent the week in hospital being dosed with warfarin and Denzaparin and trying to get my breathlessness under control. I finally came home on injections in my belly (which took some getting used to!).

I've been going to Co-agulation clinic to get my blood tested weekly. Thankfully my local clinic measures it with a finger prick test so I don't have to have a million butchered attempts at drawing it from my non existent veins. All's been going well and I'm getting used to the new routine. That was, until a few days ago when then breathlessness and pain started up again. I held off on seeking advice as didn't need any more hassle from it all to be honest and as ever assumed things were 'probably fine' and I was just over thinking it. But when they tested my blood this morning at clinic, it was the thickest it's been yet. I mentioned in passing that the pain had started again. And she immediately made an appointment for me to see the GP today (hmph... Grrrr!). So off I trundled. And low and behold, the GP sent me into hospital for more tests for further clotting. So after 7 hours in the acute medical unit, I've finally escaped with another 10 days of jabs in the belly to break down another PE in my lung. I'm just glad that I didn't have to stay in all honesty.

I won't lie, I'm pissed off. I can handle my other health issues. I know when things aren't right and can generally taper my own medication to what's needed day to day. And I know if something's really not right that  I can go into hospital for IVs etc. But this clotting issue is an unknown entity for me that I'm really not comfortable with. My body doesn't tell me when to worry and when not to with this. I guess I'm still learning to read the signals.  I don't want to be on lifelong warfarin and injections. Nor does anyone. I shouldn't complain, diabetics inject every day and don't moan. I just need time to adjust I guess.

Anyway... Here's to the next 10 days of a bruised belly and no cranberry juice, grapefruit or alcohol (none of which are allowed in this regime). Wish me luck.

Thanks for reading! 

In lighter news, I am now the proud owner of some very cool slippers :)

The Move

I'm moving! After 3 years in my one bed flat in suburban Surrey I'm moving back in with my parents. I always imagined my next move would be to my own place. Unfortunately finances haven't allowed for that. So it's back to my parents in a last ditch attempt to save for my future. 

I have a great relationship with my folks and they are extremely easy going so hopefully the transition won't come as too much of a blow. They've been hard at work clearing out the downstairs bedroom for me so as I can basically live in the downstairs of the house. It gives me a certain amount of freedom too as there's a ensuite attached to the downstairs bedroom. So I'll have my own space. I've already made plans to bring in a sky+ box and make it cosey :)

My mum and dad have been an absolute godsend. They have gone to so much effort with this move. And over the years have helped so much with regard to getting me to and from clinics, walking my dog etc and generally just taking good care of me. 

I'm kinda looking forward to being back there. I love to watch trash TV with my mum and she's a fantastic cook. And my dad can pretty much turn his hand to any DIY issue. He even comes in handy when I'm making cakes as he has quite a good eye for detail and design. So I'm always keen to ask his advice. That is, when I'm not having a meltdown about one I've messed up. Mums always there to help with the fondant covering - which I always stress about.

But I will miss this place. Don't get me wrong.... This flat is damp, cold, it never has hot water and there's not enough room to swing a dead cat.. Let alone keep a pet dog. But it's in a perfect location and I can get to the centre of town, cinema, coffee shops, transport links within 10 mins flat. I will miss that convenience!!  It's back to struggling onto the number 71 bus to get to town. Would I really travel 35mins to the nearest Costa coffee for a mocha hit?!? .... Probably... Sad but true. I'm a coffee addict. 

So wish me luck with the move folks. I'm already up to my eyeballs  in boxes and am frantically labelling everything. I've got another 2 weeks to go - Miss Organised!!

It will be so nice to be able to bath without having to set a timer, which only runs luke warm for 5 mins max. And not be cold and wrapped up in layer upon layer because the heatings knackered. Oh and don't even get me started on the drainage!!! 

Trying to keep in mind that this move is a step closer to me being a home owner one day. Positive thoughts... Positive thoughts :)

Quilting

I'm only a day post publishing my 'Never Ending Bucket List', and I've already started working on one my targets. My Godmother is literally the Queen of Quilting. Her work is so intricate and skilled. She made me the most beautiful bed spread this year. I was so delighted with it, and really touched to receive something that has had so much time and effort put into it. I was really inspired by it and wanted to have a go myself. Now, I was under no illusion...I knew quilting wasn't going to be a walk in the park. So I decided to start at the beginning and go right back to basics. I enrolled in a 'Quilting Taster Day' - ('taster' being the operative word here). Unfortunately it turned out to be a lot more advanced than I expected! The class was full of people that had clearly had experience and had come fully prepared to produce some impressive stuff. I was still cutting perfect 3" squares when everyone else was making borders!  I felt like a complete wally for the entire duration. Everyone was so far ahead that I was losing track. My patchwork looked pretty shoddy (will post pic for comedy value). 

After that, I had lost all interest and resigned myself to the fact that  I was completely rubbish and incompetent at quilting. Hence I didn't try any more. Until that is... My mum reminded me that my God mother would be happy to teach me. My godmother lives a good 70 miles away (hence the local 'Taster' session I took initially). But we worked out a date and today I went down to see her. She made it all seem so straightforward. We went right back to basics which I really needed. And I came home feeling confident about it. She also thought the taster session had been asking us to produce quite advanced work (not appropriate for a novice at all), which made me feel better about my failed attempt. I'm actually really excited to get going with the rest of it now!! So my little spark for quilting has been reignited and I'm really excited to learn more. My God mother has been honing her skills for 10 years and does wonderfully complex work. If I can produce something even a tenth as impressive then I will be happy with that. So it's back to the sewing machine for me.. complete with my trusty 'unpicking tool' (I can see me needing to use that white a lot!!)



Auntie Roslyn's Work



1st attempt from 'Quilting Taster Day'



Much more basic but more neater work after my session with Auntie Roslyn



The Never Ending Bucket List

So this week I've had a heck of a lot of time on my hands. And aside from repeatedly trying to the best of my ability to get my flat in pristine shape, I've been thinking a lot about what lies ahead for me. I've lots of aspirations and dreams for the next few years, and I thought I'd write them down in a list. A) because it stops them all swimming around in my head in no semblance of order and B) because I think a tick list is the only way I'm going to get any of it done. As any of you that know me will know, I do love a list. I love order and structure in my life and to go with it, I am a stationary fiend. I literally can't get enough of it. So armed with my new notepad I have been compiling said list; 

Things to do/achieve/experience before in 35...

• Be able to walk a good distance without crutches

• Re-establish my career in Radiography (very dependent on bullet point 1)

• Have a successful, profitable business of my own

• See Australia and NZ

• Get engaged to the man I love

• Then, get married 

• Have a gospel choir sing at my wedding 

• Look in the mirror and be happy with what I see

• Change someone else's life for the better 

• Get 100 people to join the Organ donor register 

• Buy a house

• Have children 

• Learn how to use an SLR camera

• Learn to use Excel (I don't do numbers)

• Read the classics

• Get my lung function to a 'normal range'

• Put liquid eyeliner on without stabbing myself in the eye!

• Wear high heels out again, and keep them on ALL night

• Learn to quilt
- Go to the Commonwealth Games 2014

So there it is, my little list that will no doubt continue to get bigger!! Now where to begin ......?

Ill leave you with something I saw this week that I thought was kinda accurate :)...

Sean's Birthday - The Shard, Inamo Restaurant

It was really hard to choose what to do for Sean's birthday. It was going to be difficult to do anything that would match up to the one he'd planned for me. But I did my best and got researching online. As I mentioned we LOVE food, so I started looking at weird and whacky options for places to eat. I also wanted to arrange a bit of a surprise gathering of his friends in a restaurant (turned it it couldnt be a surprise in the end but we kept the location a secret). After what seemed like a painstaking few days streaming through restaurant after restaurant I came across a Japanese place up in the city that looked pretty cool. Its called INAMO, and is an 'interactive restaurant'. You basically have a computer screen image projected onto your dinner plate and you can choose your food on there, order drinks and ring a bell for service. You can even play battleships and ring a taxi if you want. The concept was awesome but they failed to execute it really. The service was shocking (despite the bell!) and everything just seemed really slow. It was great for the novelty and I'm glad we all did it but probably would go again. Sean seemed to like it and I think his friends did too.

Sean and friends in Inamo

cocktails

Tempura vegetables - yum

Sean and I in Inamo

I also took Sean to the Shard for a tour. Its pretty spectacular views up there and we had a beautifully sunny day so that made it even better. We had a photo taken at the top which we bought to put up at home.

Panoramics from the Shard

East Surrey Admission, Scones, and Pseudomonas

East Surrey Admissions

My admission to East Surrey came as a bit of a blow. I'd been really well for a few months and it came out of the blue. I hadn't had a cold or chest infection.. so I wasn't really sure what was going on. Our visit to A&E was much more sedate thankfully. With a bit of encouragement from Sean I went before it got too bad (I always put it off in the vein hope I'll miraculously recover), and am glad to say that it was a sensible thing to do. It meant I turned up conscious anyway ha ha. Believe it or not that's not always the case. I avoided having a piece of metal drilled into my shin this time - which is always a bit of a Brucey bonus. Thankfully they did the logical thing and whacked a central line in (not before butchering my arms with a dozen or so needles). Which I have to say was a godsend. I spent a few days on a clinical decision ward, where I seemingly was completely forgotten about. And it wasn't until Sean nagged them relentlessly that they actually realized and saw that I'd slipped through the net. That same afternoon I was moved to the chest ward - funny that!
I was there for a good few days, nothing had really changed, I was no worse but no better. But not being able to even get to the bathroom on your own for lack of the ability to breathe does become somewhat of a pain in the A after a while. Anywho it all came to a head in an almighty crash I had. They took their sweet time to get a doctor to me when I was telling them, so the inevitable happened and it became a drama when they couldn't get my breathing under control. Unfortunately this happened in the small hours of the morning. They called my parents and Sean to brief them on the situation - at which point I was blissfully unconscious and in respiratory arrest. Sean was told to come as soon as possible as I was basically half dead. Bless him when he arrived he just saw a load of nurses and doctors stood by the desk with their heads down looking very solemn, he said his heart literally sank and he thought he hadn't made it in time. I'm glad to say and as you can see - I did survive, its just they had had to intervene with intensive care doctors and ventilation. As always I'm very glad not to have remembered the event itself and am just relieved that this is becoming a less common occurrence for me. Though (without being morbid) I cant help wondering just how many more of these respiratory events and interventions my body can take? I think I've more than tripled the standard 9 lives of a cat already. It turned out I was growing pseudomonas, which hadn't been detected and so I wasn't on the necessary treatments for it. Anyway, after another week or so I managed to talk my way to getting a discharge home... and now it all seems but a distant memory :)  

I got kinda down during that admission. Sean and my parents were a massive support. But I felt kind of abandoned by everyone else. My friend Emma worked all day, then drove a goof 60 miles in the evening to see me. That really perked me up. She's always a star, and she brought scones and clotted cream - winning!! 

ouch!

Emma and Scones

My 28th Birthday and a list

This is my first blog of 2013, I can't believe its almost 7 months since I last posted!! So much to tell. Not sure I'll fit it into one blog though, that might become a bit of a laborious read.. I wouldn't be cruel enough to do that, not today anyway :)
So first things first.... erm... I should probably put a 'little' list of things I should have blogged about but haven't had the time to .. in small bite size chunks, just to keep you in the loop .. (bare with me, I'm working through my diary to jog my memory)

• Acupuncture : My  pain consultant offered me acupuncture as a form of pain relief, once a week. I've been having sessions now for about 6 months. It's been great, made a massive difference to me and has really helped me sleep. Effects arent as long lasting as hoped though. Back to the drawing board.
• Ralph's 6th Birthday - my boy is middle aged!
• Korean Restaurant - Went out with a bunch of friends to a Korean restaurant in New Malden. Was certainly an experience. Was awesome seeing the food being cooked at your table. I had my first taste of Kimchi, not sure I'll be eating it again - Though the fried egg in the middle was nice 
• My 28th Birthday - will actually write something properly on this because it was pretty cool.. keep reading and I'll update in a bit.
• East Surrey Admission - A two weeker, including a stay in ITU - nothing out of the ordinary for me but pretty unpleasant as you'd expect. 
• Barcelona Hen Weekend
• Sean's 28th Birthday 
• Endoscopy - definitely need to expand on what happened with that!!
• Ralph at the vets - wow - that got expensive!
• Great Aunts 90th birthday bash - Liverpool
• Croatia holidays
• Afternoon Tea in London with Tor
• Quilting lessons
• Hearing Tests

So I'll start with ...

My 28th Birthday..

It was my first birthday spent with Sean, and he spoilt me rotten. I was woken up by being covered in birthday balloons and to the sound of birthday banners being hung. I didn't feel  melancholic about this years birthday. I think I previously mentioned in a blog that on my 27th I suddenly had this realization that I was the wrong end of 20 and felt like I hadn't really achieved a lot. But this birthday wasn't really like that, I felt old for sure but felt a lot more positive about things. And having Sean there made things even better. He bought me a really beautiful necklace with matching earrings - I don't think I've taken it off since.We also went to Jamie Oliver's restaurant 'Fifteen' (you may remember it from when he did his first show with all the disadvantaged adolescents he took on to given them a skill). Well he's still doing the project even though we don't hear much about it these days. Food was pretty awesome. 

Then a couple of days later we went to a cooking lesson in the Jamie Oliver cookery school (Are you noticing a trend here). Sean and I are massive foodies - you may have noticed from our ever expanding waistlines. We learnt how to do some vegetarian curries and special Indian breads. It was yummy, but when the tutor tells you not to add too much chilli, she says it for a reason! - remember that. I thought my head was going to explode. 

At Jamie's Cooking class

We did it!